The Waiting Room

It's midterm week. I am dreading the piles of midterm exams that I will have to read this weekend. Three out of four classes have take-home essay exams that are due this week. The students are extra needy this week. They are already begging for extra credit work. One girl, who has been absent six times since September without explanation, is pleading with me to give her extra credit work because I would not accept her late assignments. Am I supposed to reward her for lack of attendance? I think not. She claims that she missed all those classes because she can’t get up in time for my 8:30 AM class! Might I suggest an alarm clock?

On top of that, one of my student's showed up to class today with the flu! What the hell was she thinking???? I told her that she needs to go home and stop infecting the rest of the population. Damn, I am not scheduled to get a flu shot until next week. But as I write this, I feel the headache, scratchy throat and that general crappy feeling coming on.

So, I am accepting the fact that for the next few days, my life will suck. Time for a Nyquil shot

The NBA has mandated a dress code for the players. The commissioner wants the players to wear professional attire when they attend speaking engagements, interviews, etc... The purpose is to curb the thug culture that seems to engulf the sport. Many believe that the commissioner has no business legislating player dress.

We have a dress code for the faculty at my college. We have strict rules on what professors can wear. But I am not so sure if it is necessary. Hopefully at this stage in our lives, we should know what is acceptable in the business world. And for the most part, the faculty does a good job. But we do not have a dress code for the students. And I think it is totally necessary. I am not advocating school uniforms or anything that radical; it is college after all. And I fully admit that when I was in college, I went through a new wave/punker stage. (It was the 80's, enough said.)

I am not suggesting that student's give up their individuality. I am also not suggesting that students should substitutive my exquisite taste for their own. But, I have seen some things that just make me cringe. The sad thing is that many of these students feel that what they wear is 100% acceptable, even in the workforce!

Here is my guide to the fashion inept. I wonder if anyone else has encountered these students.

-- The Nouveau Slut: These are the young ladies who take their fashion cues from Little Kim and similar ilk by wearing things so low cut that if seen on TV would be digitally altered.

--The Rapper Wannabe: These students wear their pants at 'half mast' and large amounts of jewelry. If these students knew the origin of wearing their pants that low, they would be wearing them like Steve Urkel! Unless a rapper has died, there is no need for this. It also amazes me how some of my students claim that they do not have two dimes to rub together, but the have large gold chains around their necks. I guess paying bills is low on the priority scale.

--The Delusional: These are the students who honestly believe that they are a size 2 when they are actually a size 22. They wear their clothes so tight that they look like a Bob Evans Sausage. Do these students even own a mirror?

--The Exhibitionist: These are the students who want you to see their latest tattoo, thong, piercing or pregnancy. They have no problem playing 'show and tell'. See my last post for proof!

And I had to fight not to wear panty hose in the summer!

Today, I woke up with a migraine headache. I get them often, so I keep a diary of what possibly trigger it. I could not come up with anything. Then I started to wonder…

I stopped by a colleague’s classroom after both of our classes had ended. We usually meet up at that time, just to catch up on the daily happenings at our college. I walked in to the room and my friend was chatting with a student. Since it was not a private conversation, she told me to stay.

The student was talking about her exciting weekend. She joyously chatted about her “tat” party. A “tat” party, I learned, is a tattoo party in which someone has a tattoo artist come and give tattoos to anyone who is interested.

Now, I don’t shun anyone who has a tattoo. Like Sheryl Crow says “If it makes you happy, it can’t be that bad.” But I bet Sheryl would think twice after what I saw next.

This young lady, who mind you was “gifted”, pulled down the right side of her blouse and exposed a rose tattoo on her right breast. My first thought was EWWWWW, did she just flash me? OK the artistry was good, but Sweet Merciful Crap, this girl does not know me from a can of paint! I did not recall either of us asking her to give us a “show” along with her “tell”.

Now I know why I had the migraine. Someone pass the Imitrex!

I heard a story on talk radio where studies show that middle school girls are more violent that boys. I actually said out loud “Hello, genius, tell me something I don’t know. I see it everyday in my college classes. Honestly, I sometimes fear these young ladies more than I do young men. Girls tend to hold grudges. They can be vicious and vindictive. Their mouths run longer then the Energizer Bunny. They will fight you if you look at them sideways. The worst part of it is that they just don’t care.

The other day, I was having a private conversation with one of my students after class. I closed the door to give us some privacy. Suddenly, I hear a loud banging on the door. Wondering if someone was trying to warn me that the hallway was on fire or we were under a terrorist attack, I opened the door. Two young ladies were standing in the hallway.

“Get the hell out of this room, ‘cause we need it.” one of the girls growled at me.

Did I hear her correctly? Did I just hear this young lady demand that I get the hell out of my classroom?

“I am having a private discussion with one of my students right now.” I said calmly. “You will have to wait until I am finished.”

“Well, hurry the hell up.” Her friend said. The look she gave me could freeze hydrogen.

“I will hurry the hell up, when I am good and ready to.” I answered.

I closed the door before they could respond. Two minutes later, my student and I left the room. I guess using the room was not that important to these young ladies, because they were long gone.

As I walked away, I all I could think was God grant me the serenity….

There must be some kind of way out of here, said the joker to the thief
There’s too much confusion
I can’t get no relief.

All Along the Watchtower, written by Bob Dylan
As performed by Jimi Hendrix, Electric Ladyland, MCA (1968).

Dylan got it right. There is just too much confusion.

I thought I would get some guidance on this philosophy statement. So I asked my boss for some insight. I explained my dilemma. How can I express my values and goals when I have admissions and academics undermining my philosophy in the name of retention?

She looked my dead in the face and said. “Oh, don’t worry about that.” “Retention does not matter here.”

WHAAAAT? You mean all this bitching and moaning about retention means nothing at all? Does this mean I can ignore the voices that say, forget your values and goals, you are the master of your own domain?

Truth is; I don’t think my boss fully understands the dynamic at play. The way I see it, how can you implement your values and beliefs when someone is telling you that your values and belief interfere with the retention goals of the school? If you are someone like me who requires accountability, hard work and responsibility, you are interfering with retention, because you do not “understand” the various issues that the students have. End result: you’re not playing by their rules. But if you cater to their needs and egos, you’re doing your job and get the prize.

So the choice is: play the game and lie my ass off, or stick to my guns and endure the wrath of everyone I offend?

I wonder if Dylan has any advice…

I was informed recently that I have to create a philosophy of teaching statement. I guess this is supposed to explain my values, goals and pedagogy and how I use them in the classroom. The powers that be are holding the number of classes I teach as hostage. If I don’t do this, I will be limited on the number of classes I can teach. Geez, I don’t even know what I believe in anymore and now someone wants me to explain what I believe regarding teaching? What if I just said “My philosophy is sit down, shut up and pay attention?” What if that is the truth?

I used to believe that my job was to convey information, provide encouragement and prepare my students for the real world. But it seems that lately it comes down to retention. Retention is an academic buzz word, used to by the powers that be, to justify how great they are. But the truth is retention equals numbers and numbers translate into how those in power feel about whether or not you are doing your job. Depending on your position, retention means that you play the game, and crawl back under the rock from which you came.

The folks in admissions are like the preverbal salesman. Get as many as you can on board and worry about the consequences later. More warm bodies mean that the Grand Puhba is off your back for another semester. Don’t worry if they are not ready for college, they will adjust. So what if they are only here to get their refund check. After all, our job is to get them in the door. After that, it’s up to academics and the faculty to deal with them.

Academics are the yes-men. Yes, we will accommodate you, even though it’s the third week of school and you’re just starting day one. Yes, you can attend class whenever you feel like it; your instructor cannot hold it against you. Yes, your instructor is being unfair because she requires that you turn you work in on time. After all, we don’t want you to feel alienated and decide not to return next semester. Besides, faculty should be the ones making sure that you are happy. And numbers makes us happy

This brings me back to the beginning. Is my teaching philosophy supposed to about how I teach, or how I keep the retention numbers up?

Hell if I know.

This is my second attempt at a blog. Why the second attempt? You see, I started blogging as an outlet for the things that I see on a daily basis. I wrote about the things that I would hear my colleagues bitch and moan about constantly. I kept everything anonymous, including my identity and where I work, to protect the innocent and the guilty. It was meant to be humorous. And it many ways it was. Until recently.

An "anonymous" person left some nasty, borderline threatening, comments on my last blog. I was stunned at what I read. Not because this person was blasting my opinions, that did not bother me. What got under my skin was the character assassinations and threats made by a person who claims to know me. I have some idea who this person is, and it does not surprise me that this person would not leave a name.

But it did give me pause. I paused long enough to delete the blog. But after much thought, I decided to begin writing again. I figure that I can't allow one person who has some serious issues stop me from my right to freedom of expression. I welcome all thoughts and opinions. I love a good debate. But what is not acceptable is those who want to ruin the fun for the rest of us.

After all, isn't that what it's all about?