The Waiting Room

I was informed recently that I have to create a philosophy of teaching statement. I guess this is supposed to explain my values, goals and pedagogy and how I use them in the classroom. The powers that be are holding the number of classes I teach as hostage. If I don’t do this, I will be limited on the number of classes I can teach. Geez, I don’t even know what I believe in anymore and now someone wants me to explain what I believe regarding teaching? What if I just said “My philosophy is sit down, shut up and pay attention?” What if that is the truth?

I used to believe that my job was to convey information, provide encouragement and prepare my students for the real world. But it seems that lately it comes down to retention. Retention is an academic buzz word, used to by the powers that be, to justify how great they are. But the truth is retention equals numbers and numbers translate into how those in power feel about whether or not you are doing your job. Depending on your position, retention means that you play the game, and crawl back under the rock from which you came.

The folks in admissions are like the preverbal salesman. Get as many as you can on board and worry about the consequences later. More warm bodies mean that the Grand Puhba is off your back for another semester. Don’t worry if they are not ready for college, they will adjust. So what if they are only here to get their refund check. After all, our job is to get them in the door. After that, it’s up to academics and the faculty to deal with them.

Academics are the yes-men. Yes, we will accommodate you, even though it’s the third week of school and you’re just starting day one. Yes, you can attend class whenever you feel like it; your instructor cannot hold it against you. Yes, your instructor is being unfair because she requires that you turn you work in on time. After all, we don’t want you to feel alienated and decide not to return next semester. Besides, faculty should be the ones making sure that you are happy. And numbers makes us happy

This brings me back to the beginning. Is my teaching philosophy supposed to about how I teach, or how I keep the retention numbers up?

Hell if I know.