The Waiting Room

"And everywhere you turn, there are vultures and thieves at your back."
Angel, by Sarah McLachlin
From the CD Surfacing, Arista (1996).

It's that time of year when I feel less than human and more like a piece of road kill waiting for the vultures to swoop down and devour. OK, I am being a bit dramatic. But the truth is, my students pounce on me before I can get my coat off in the morning. It's like I am wearing a tracking device. Here is a typical conversation at 8:15 AM

Student One: "Professor, I HAVE TO TALK TO YOU NOW!"
Me: "I no function well coffee without."
Student One: "But it is SOOOO important."
Me: "Office hours."

{15 paces later)

Student Two: "Ain't that bibliography due today?"
Me: Uh, yeah."
Student Two: "Well, mine ain't done." "Can I turn it in late?"
Me: No response, but I give the student a stare that
could freeze hydrogen.

(Almost at the faculty room)

Student Three: "Please Miss, I have a problem!"
Me: I growl like Marge Simpson
Student Three: "Oh, am I bothering you?""Well I just wanted to know what I missed yesterday."
Me: Growling louder
Student Three: "I'll check with you later."

(Checking my mailbox)

Loudspeaker: "Professor, please call the switchboard!"

(I call the switchboard)

Receptionitst: "Student Four and Five need to speak with you."
Me: "GRRRRRR!"

Anyone have any ideas for a disguise???