The Waiting Room

This could take a while...

Thursday, October 16, 2014

Silent Monster

Posted by Seeking Solace |

Husband accepted a new job this week. His current company is going downhill. He doesn't see things lasting much longer, maybe a year. He is really excited about this new opportunity because he was offered a job at the same time he accepted his position at his current company. He had given a verbal acceptance to his current company and did not want to go back on his word. When he saw that New Company was hiring, he contacted HR, who instantly remembered him. Long story short, Husband will be starting a new job, with an amazing company and he will be working on some really cool stuff.

I am so happy for Husband. He has been down in the dumps lately because of all the BS that is going on at his current job. Also, the interview process was more of the standard HR question-crapola that makes Husband want to have a root canal than talk about how he works with others. But, he made it through with flying colors. He is happy and excited. That makes me happy.

And, I can't help but be a little jealous.

 Does that make me a green eyed monster?

I feel like crap for even saying it. Husband deserves this opportunity. He is amazing at what he does. He will be working on projects that are not only in his skill set, but in an area that he enjoys doing. He is super smart. Honestly, if I was the HR person, and I did not know him from a can of paint, I would hire him.

I am jealous because I can't even get an interview for another adjunct gig. Hell, I barely even get an FU-rejection letter. I am depressed because teaching one online class while only taking on PhD class is just not enough for me. Nothing on PhD acceptance is going to change anytime soon because PhD Uni only does Fall admission. Assisting my prof with research won't happen until sometime next year as well.  I've been getting all of my materials ready for the December deadline, but that consumes only a fraction of time. And, it gets really boring doing GRE problems.

The job issue is out of my control somewhat, since most applications go to the virtual HR no-man's-land.  I do long for the days when there was a live person one could politely harass in order to get an interview.

My limited ability to get out and about doesn't help matters. Honestly, I feel invisible.

I don't want to say anything to Husband. Not because I don't think he would understand,  he would understand. I know him. He would be worried about me and how I am feeling sad/frustrated and he would try to make things better. I just do not want to rain on his parade. I don't want this time to be about me. It should be about him. Sadly, the only place that I feel even slightly comfortable saying anything about it is here.

And otherwise suffer in silence. 


jo(e) said...

Congrats to your husband!

I think you can be happy for him and frustrated at the lack of opportunities for yourself -- at the same time. One doesn't cancel the other out. Humans are capable of a crazy mix of emotions.

JaneB said...

At least you have here - and we understand

Seeking Solace said...

Thanks jo(e) and JaneB! And, it's true. We do have crazy emotions.