Over the past couple of weeks, I've thought a great deal about my role at Tech College and its impact on my physical, mental and emotional health. This past week, in particular, has been extremely difficult. CD pulled a stunt that has caused me and my colleagues to seriously question our place at the college. For me, I've come up with the following:
- In seven months of working there, I have wiped out 2 years of remission from the RA, including spending 30 days on a steroid taper.
- I've had three major flares in two months that have caused me to miss work.
- I am physically and mentally drained from the drama and insanity caused by CD to the point that I am depressed.
- CD is a narcissistic wuss who undermines my and my colleagues authority. He is also a compulsive liar. That just offends me on so many levels.
- I spend somewhere between 2-4 hours a day with Husband and Junior, not including sleeping.
- I spend $400.00/week in transportation, which actually means I am losing money.
I am going to resign my position.
After some frank conversations with Husband, my mom, RA doc and some close friends here in Elsewhere, this job is just not worth it. Husband hates seeing my in this condition. He doesn't put his foot down on many things or get in the way of what I want to do very often, but he did make his foot speak on this one.
RA doc is concerned that I may have also developed fibromyalgia in addition to the RA. She says that I cannot have another steroid taper if I have a flare, so it's time to re-work my current treatment. She thinks the excess stress has led to my falling out of remission.
My mom and my good friends here hate to see me in this state. They miss the happy, ready to have fun Seeking Solace. Most of the time, I am too tired to do anything.
So what do I think? They're all right. I feel like I did back when I was working 60 hours a week as an attorney. I love what I did, it just doesn't love me back. I have to find something to love again.
I decided that I am going back for the PhD and try to teach part time. I know that having the PhD will give me more options with my career, which I have another 25 years to pursue. I loved being in school last fall and think this will be a great new chapter in my life. Also, I will take some time to get my health back in order and get back to remission and some mental stability.
I know this change will do me good.