Over the past couple of weeks, I've thought a great deal about my role at Tech College and its impact on my physical, mental and emotional health. This past week, in particular, has been extremely difficult. CD pulled a stunt that has caused me and my colleagues to seriously question our place at the college. For me, I've come up with the following:
- In seven months of working there, I have wiped out 2 years of remission from the RA, including spending 30 days on a steroid taper.
- I've had three major flares in two months that have caused me to miss work.
- I am physically and mentally drained from the drama and insanity caused by CD to the point that I am depressed.
- CD is a narcissistic wuss who undermines my and my colleagues authority. He is also a compulsive liar. That just offends me on so many levels.
- I spend somewhere between 2-4 hours a day with Husband and Junior, not including sleeping.
- I spend $400.00/week in transportation, which actually means I am losing money.
I am going to resign my position.
After some frank conversations with Husband, my mom, RA doc and some close friends here in Elsewhere, this job is just not worth it. Husband hates seeing my in this condition. He doesn't put his foot down on many things or get in the way of what I want to do very often, but he did make his foot speak on this one.
RA doc is concerned that I may have also developed fibromyalgia in addition to the RA. She says that I cannot have another steroid taper if I have a flare, so it's time to re-work my current treatment. She thinks the excess stress has led to my falling out of remission.
My mom and my good friends here hate to see me in this state. They miss the happy, ready to have fun Seeking Solace. Most of the time, I am too tired to do anything.
So what do I think? They're all right. I feel like I did back when I was working 60 hours a week as an attorney. I love what I did, it just doesn't love me back. I have to find something to love again.
I decided that I am going back for the PhD and try to teach part time. I know that having the PhD will give me more options with my career, which I have another 25 years to pursue. I loved being in school last fall and think this will be a great new chapter in my life. Also, I will take some time to get my health back in order and get back to remission and some mental stability.
I know this change will do me good.
7 comments:
I think you are exactly right! Wishing you the very best of luck with it all.
Good plan. Go for a disability retirement from your job if you have full benefits there. Trust me, it'll work. I've done it. It's not much income but enough to continue paying for health insurance and some left over. Also, a phd doesn't provide much job security any more in this economy. Schools are hiring only adjuncts and having ai phd doesn't get but may 100 more per class. You can teach without it. And a phd is also stressful. You might look into online teaching -- I've done full time online for over 10 years after I took disability retirement when I was only 41 years old. Much less stress, no commute, no extra $$ for clothes and gas and food, etc. Can't beat online teaching if you have a chronic pain disease like RA.
I am sorry that you are having a tough time.
I think it's smart to re-evaluate your situation!
I hear what Nitewriter is saying about a PhD, but I think that the field in which you're going to study is actually more likely to lead to job security than many other fields. But I agree with Nitewriter that it's also a stressful gig in some other ways, particularly beyond grad school (grad school is stressful, but I am guessing it will seem less stressful than your current situation). The flexibility of online teaching does sound like it would fit you well!
Will your previous school consider you for work? I know you had a decent community there.
CD might be Mr. Smithers's brother. :P
I can't believe you held out that long only seen your boys 2-4 hours a day. We have a couple days like that a week, but thankfully not every day. I couldn't handle that. Now get your rest!
Nitewritter: My RA doc thinks that this can be controlled and I can get back to where I was prior to going to Tech College. So, I taking it slow.
I am not concerned with the stress of the PhD, since I will only be taking one or two classes at a time. Also, there is not much out there with my skill set, so I am trying to find something for the long run. Having been in grad school and law school, I think I will be OK. :)
RL: Yep. He could be Smither's long lost twin! Former boss said I could be on the sub list for my own program. He also gave me the contact info for the online college. I am applying for an on ground adjunct gig at a local SLAC teaching Business Law which you and I know I can teach in my sleep!
It totally sucks that you had to go through such a terrible experience... I am SO glad you are out of there!!
Such a hard decision, I'm sure - but I think you made the right choice! Good for you for having the strength to do that
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