The Waiting Room

This could take a while...

Friday, June 21, 2013

Sick, Tired and in Pain

Posted by Seeking Solace |

After two major flares since April, 30 days worth of predisone and continued progress with weight loss and working out, I thought I had turned a corner.

No such luck. Flare #3 hit yesterday.

I know what the problem is. Part of it is the rainy weather that is going on in Elsewhere. We've had so much rain that there are no drought or dry conditions anywhere in the state. That great, but it makes things rough for me.

But, the bigger issue is my job. The long work hours and commute are taking a toll on me. I have no department chairs to assist me, so I am doing all of that work, plus my own. Now, it's not for lack of trying to find candidates; the position has been posted. It's a matter of finding qualified people who are willing to work for peanuts.

What makes it worse is my boss, the CD, has zero leadership skills. He lacks the scrotal circumference to make a decision or deal with conflict. All of the department heads, myself included, have carried the weight of dealing with issues on campus. Honestly, if it were not for the fact that we work so well as a team, the campus would go to hell in a hand-basket. There is so much stuff going on that I could create a new blog just to  chronicle the drama.

I have voiced my concerns about the lack of help and leadership, but it is falling on deaf ears. CD keeps saying I will have help, but it's not happening. More work seems to be dumped on me despite my complaints and outright "I am not doing this" rants to CD and the higher ups in windowless offices. In fact, during an internal audit, I had to answer for something that fell through the cracks on my watch. It was not intentional; it was because I just don't have the time or help. I was asked repeatedly why a particular process was not completed. I finally said that I am carrying the weight of the academics department alone. It's gotten to the point where I spend so much time at work that I probably should move in.

The response was that I should do a better job of managing my time by using the Task section in Outlook.

Wow...really? I would have never thought of that. I use the Task section...(insert image of my smacking my head on the desk).

 I am not the only person in my position to feel this way. Three deans have quit in the last two months. These people had fully staffed academic departments. That makes me I really that good that I have been able to hold on for this long and make positive change or am I insane?

Right now, I am physically, emotionally and mentally exhausted.  Yesterday, I left work early because walking became difficult. I was also just so weak that I could not focus on anything.  I took the day off because I am still having trouble moving around. I had to check my work email because we stated a new quarter. And, true to form, my inbox blew up with messages from CD. He knew I was out, but still have to give me stuff to do.

Husband wants me to quit. Actually, he is putting his foot down on this one. I agree...I have to leave. But, I am having trouble letting go.

OK, I need to continue this in another hands and fingers hurt right now.


Rebecca said...

SUCH a tough situation. Really sorry to hear you aren't doing well. I'm definitely with hubby. There is no point whatsoever in ruining your health for people who don't even realize what the problem is.

Hope you are on the road to recovery very soon. Wishing you the best.

rented life said...

What a lame comment...task section...however, I'm familiar with that place and honestly, I quit there before I started, for the campus up here. It's toxic. Your husband is right. There's better stuff out there. You won't have the freedom to get the PhD if this piling on keeps up....and there's my firm but loving hand. Much love.

Seeking Solace said...

Thanks Rebecca and RL! I know what I need to coming soon. :)

chicago foodie girl said...

Oh, you know my feelings about the whole for-profit world... you need to get the hell out! You are FAR too good for that place!

Seeking Solace said...

Thanks Chicago Foodie Girl. You know better than anyone my for-profit woes!

Plans are in place...

TiredProf said...

This just sucks. I hope that you can get out of there soon. There has to be something better for you!

Lana said...

I am sorry that you are going through this. I have been dealing with a flare-up that won’t subside for the past couple weeks so I can sympathize. I left a very stressful high paying law office job for one that paid less but was less stressful. At first, I struggled with the change in income but two and half years later, I still don’t regret my choice. You should consider something a lot less stressful. I know that leaving a good paying job isn’t a small decision but it is something you should start thinking about because living with RA is hard work and your job is adding to the stress. Good luck.

Nitewriter said...

I'm a few days (okay a lot of days) behind and catching up. I've had some major flares for the past two months -- constant rain and one front coming through right after another. Stress does make it worse. I left on-campus work because I couldn't handle the commute plus hours on my feet without being able to rest. If you'd like to brainstorm some new alternatives like teaching from home, drop me an email. I have an awesome networking group for finding online jobs! It's been a while since you've written this so I'll be looking for an update soon. Hope the flare is gone. I just had another start up again a few days ago. UGH!!!