The Waiting Room

After two major flares since April, 30 days worth of predisone and continued progress with weight loss and working out, I thought I had turned a corner.

No such luck. Flare #3 hit yesterday.

I know what the problem is. Part of it is the rainy weather that is going on in Elsewhere. We've had so much rain that there are no drought or dry conditions anywhere in the state. That great, but it makes things rough for me.

But, the bigger issue is my job. The long work hours and commute are taking a toll on me. I have no department chairs to assist me, so I am doing all of that work, plus my own. Now, it's not for lack of trying to find candidates; the position has been posted. It's a matter of finding qualified people who are willing to work for peanuts.

What makes it worse is my boss, the CD, has zero leadership skills. He lacks the scrotal circumference to make a decision or deal with conflict. All of the department heads, myself included, have carried the weight of dealing with issues on campus. Honestly, if it were not for the fact that we work so well as a team, the campus would go to hell in a hand-basket. There is so much stuff going on that I could create a new blog just to  chronicle the drama.

I have voiced my concerns about the lack of help and leadership, but it is falling on deaf ears. CD keeps saying I will have help, but it's not happening. More work seems to be dumped on me despite my complaints and outright "I am not doing this" rants to CD and the higher ups in windowless offices. In fact, during an internal audit, I had to answer for something that fell through the cracks on my watch. It was not intentional; it was because I just don't have the time or help. I was asked repeatedly why a particular process was not completed. I finally said that I am carrying the weight of the academics department alone. It's gotten to the point where I spend so much time at work that I probably should move in.

The response was that I should do a better job of managing my time by using the Task section in Outlook.

Wow...really? I would have never thought of that. I use the Task section...(insert image of my smacking my head on the desk).

 I am not the only person in my position to feel this way. Three deans have quit in the last two months. These people had fully staffed academic departments. That makes me wonder...am I really that good that I have been able to hold on for this long and make positive change or am I insane?

Right now, I am physically, emotionally and mentally exhausted.  Yesterday, I left work early because walking became difficult. I was also just so weak that I could not focus on anything.  I took the day off because I am still having trouble moving around. I had to check my work email because we stated a new quarter. And, true to form, my inbox blew up with messages from CD. He knew I was out, but still have to give me stuff to do.

Husband wants me to quit. Actually, he is putting his foot down on this one. I agree...I have to leave. But, I am having trouble letting go.

OK, I need to continue this in another post...my hands and fingers hurt right now.