The Waiting Room

I really shouldn't be.

Last week, I received my first grade on a position paper/quiz in my Education Policy Studies class. Not only did I get an "A", but I got a perfect paper.  Not too shabby for my first paper in a PhD class.

Yet, I am anxious.

I am anxious because of the major ;paper that is due for the course. It's a group paper; I am working with two classmates. It's not the working in groups thing where I am worried about doing all the work. It's the "I am new to this whole PhD thing and I feel like I don't have a clue" sort of anxiety.

My brain is still somewhat in the analytical mindset of the lawyer. I think that's why I did so well on the position paper. I was super prepared with the readings for the course. Plus, my lawyer training allows me to think on my feet, take position, and defend it effectively. I am having a little difficulty transitioning from that into the education - PhD world. Granted, my B.S. degree is in education, but a lot has changed since the 1980's, at least it seems like it has.

We decided on our groups last Wednesday. Today, I was flooded with emails from my classmates with articles concerning our topic. Crap, I am trying to keep up with the end of quarter madness, my reading for this course and taking care of my stupid sprained ankle. I haven't even had a moment to think about the project. (Which makes me wonder why am I writing here when I should be working!). To make matters worse, I have to miss class this week because of a campus function that I must attend because I am the head of the department.

I sent my group an email, suggesting that we divide up some of the project, yet still continue to consult each other. I told them that I am new to all of this, so I need a little help. Now, I keep incessantly checking my email for a response.

I hate it when I get like this.