The Waiting Room

I wonder how many of you are getting tired of my complaining about my job. I know I am. The voiced in my head are saying "Walk away, already. You know you want to."

If it were only that simple.

Husband and I talked about how both of us have this work ethic which was passed down from our lower middle class, Eastern European ancestors. "Do an honest days work. ". "Hard work gets rewarded", and my favorite from my dad, "Your word is your bond". Those thoughts keep me from walking away. My conscious and black and white view of right and wrong paralyize me.

Add to the mix all the ethics I have read in preparation of the course I am supposed to teach in two weeks, and I AMA hot, angry, mess. I amreading this stuff and thinking "I am teaching ethics at an institution that lacks ethics."

I thought about what advice I would give someone in this situation.

I got nothin'

I thought I would be OK with not teaching law. After all, I have done it before at other schools. What I can't escape is seeing what I want, what should have been mine, staring me in the face. I can't touch it. I can't have it.

Holding on is hard. There is no certainty that things will change. Leaving meand I am back to being at home, going crazy the lack of opportunities right now. And, we know how academic searchs work.

If I stay, I have to figure out how to cope. I am not doing a very good job.