The Waiting Room

This could take a while...

Tuesday, October 06, 2009

Well, I Really Want To Know Who The Fuck Are "They"?

Posted by Seeking Solace |

The Dean sent everyone an email today, saying that unless you have another commitment that requires your being on campus today, stay home and get rested up for the first day of class.

I like the way this guy thinks.

I decided that I would take a break from working out this week. I haven't been in the classroom since December. Although, I am on a workout schedule right now, I don't want to run out of gas tomorrow. Besides, I may need to adjust my workout schedule to fit my teaching schedule. I will add my workouts into my routine starting next week, one workout a week, until I am back to three days.

Also, I am not getting upset that the house is not spotless. As long as the dishes are done, entering the bathroom is not like entering another dimension, everyone has clean underwear and the Boy is fed and walked, my life is good.

This is a new approach for me. I usually try to cram everything in, working out, cooking, cleaning, grading and other miscellaneous crapola. History has shown that the cramming approach doesn't work. I come home exhausted and beat myself up for not completing everything. The end result is the massive guilt and depression because I have done it all.

Sound familiar to you?

It's that all or nothing thinking that makes my life chaotic and stressful. I think most of us are guilty of this faux pas. We want to do it all and have it all. We want the clean house, the fit body, families taken care of, all our work related stuff completed. We want it to be perfect because "they" tell us we are losers if we don't.

Well, I really want to know. Who the fuck are "they"? Who decided that "they's" opinion or philosophy of life is what we are supposed to do?

It's precisely the crapola that is messing up woman-kind. We buy into this following the rules of someone who we don't even know or don't give a shit about. We beat ourselves up because we don't live up to this "idea" of what it means to be successful. Then, to add insult to injury, instead of supporting our sisters in the struggle of the work-life-family balance, we berate and verbally chastise our sisters who don't follow the "they" philosphy of whatever segment is offended. The stay at home "theys" get snarky with those women who want to work outside the home. The "theys" who say that you are a bad feminist if you have kids mock those who want to have children. There are "theys" who tell us we have to keep up with the Jones, we aren't skinny enough and we don't raise our kids right. And when one tries to buck the "they" wisdom and one is labeled as unworthy, a loser or less than the perfect woman, employee, spouse or mother. The person is ostracized and criticized either into silence of submission.

Well, I am sick of it. I am sick of the "theys" of the world. "They" don't live in my house. "They" don't pay my bills. "They" have no clue as to the struggles that go on in my life. What I do in my life and home works for me and my family. Whatever "they" want to do in their house is fine. Just don't splash on me.

It's time to kick "they" to the curb. It's time that we as women stop trying to dictate how everyone else is supposed live and start embracing that everyone has the right to choose their path and their destiny.

Isn't that what feminism is supposed to be?


Inside the Philosophy Factory said...

I want "them" to do their share of the shopping, cooking, cleaning and laundry...

Seeking Solace said...

Amen, sista!

chel said...

I'll tell you who "they" are because I figured this out a long time ago, too: "they" are the people who began perpetuating this myth of perfection when they came out with that stinking Enjoli commercial in the eighties that went, "I can bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan, and never ever let you forget you're a man!"

I say Hells to the Yeah on the Eff that!

Anonymous said...

We see it and hear it everywhere. I've often been amazed at how awful women can be to each other about life choices. I think it's got something to do with "control" Shit I turned 54 this year and I'm still looking over my shoulder at that little "should" monster sitting there pointing at the dust in my den. I need more weapons to fight that little monster off.

Seeking Solace said...

Chel: Yeah, that stupid commercial really f'ed it all up for us!

Sherlock: I think superior weapons and superior fire-power will do the trick. In the meantime, I am starting a movement to, as Chel put it, Eff the 'they!

chel said...

i like to ward that dust off every two weeks with two little people I like to call my sons. Let's go with child labor! ;) And in the meantime, I try to make sure the sunlight doesn't the bookshelves *just* in the right place.

Seriously, I've thought in the last few months about having my house cleaned. We keep the clutter at bay, but I think it would help keep the should've monster at bay, too. (Although I have to admit that while I'm regulatory in some maintenance crap, I'm not the cleaner around my house, and I don't feel sorry about it either. I hate cleaning!)

RageyOne said...

well said, and i totally agree.

we don't have to do it all. do enough so that all is well, in your own world, and don't judge me because of it.