The Waiting Room

One of things that really grinds my gears about having a chonic illness are those who like to remind me that I have a chonic illness by insisting that I should be sitting on my ass collecting a disability check.

First, let me say that there is nothing wrong with someone collecting disability for their chonic illness. There may come a time when the RA progresses to the point that I will no longer be able to work. Although, we can live without the additional income, so many cannot. Those people need help so that they can have a decent quality of life while focusing on their illness. There is no shame in one deciding that it is time to hang it up. Maybe there is something else, even volunteering, that one can entrance.

But, I hear from a few people who think I am crazy for going back to work. And to go full-time is just insane. My mother, in particular, is convinced that my returning to work full time will be a colossal failure. I should not be working because what if I have a flare? What if the RA gets worse?

Well, the thing of it is. the RA is going to get worse regardless of whether I work or not. That was proven last year when my RA went bat-shit crazy and I started the methotrexate. This was after nine years of relatively good progress and working part time for three of those years. I would average a a major flare two or three times a year. Flares will happen. I have some control over whether or not I have a flare by exercising, eating well, getting enough rest and dealing with stress. But, flares can happen without warning or reason.

Shit happens.

Granted, I don't have the greatest history of dealing with stress. People who know me IRL can testify. In my defense, and I really need one, I've worked really hard to deal with stress constructively. I have positive outlets. I set up boundaries for the people who such the life out of me. And, I am getting better at not bottling up my emotions.

It's a work in progress.

I know how I am. I am terrible at being at home. I crave the intellectual interaction that I get when teaching law. I just love it. I am not ready, or willing to give it up just yet. I believe I am in an environment that will be supportive of my situation and allow me to do what I do best. What I need/want is for others to support me and help me do what makes me happy for a long as my body allows.

So, excuse me for not letting my illness define me. I got some things I want to do first.