The Waiting Room

This could take a while...

Friday, July 31, 2009

Now I Know Where I Stand

Posted by Seeking Solace |

Remember this post about how my brother and I have not spoken for five years? If you haven't read it, go ahead and read it now. I'll wait.

Done?

OK, here's the follow up.

After our visit with my nieces last month, I got my brother's address. I sent a birthday card to my niece whose birthday is in July. Also, I sent a card with our new address in Yankee Transplant. I thought this would be the olive branch that I could extend to my brother.

Both items were returned with "Refused" written on them.

So, I guess I know where I stand with respect to my brother. He wants nothing to do with me. Husband and I are really pissed. If he doesn't want to have anything to do with us, that's fine. But to send back a child's birthday card is just another level of cruel. I sent the birthday card to my nieces' maternal grandparents. They told me during our visit that they would make sure that anything Husband and I send, they will give to our nieces when they visit. (Side note: my brother's wife is the step-mom). There is nothing that Husband and I wouldn't do for our nieces.

As for my brother and his wife? Well, I don't believe in hating people, contrary to Husband's opinion. I have absolutely no feelings for him.

And, I hope my brother and his wife rot in Hell.**

**Please do not ask me to "pray" for him. I don't believe in such a concept. And even if I did, I wouldn't waste my prayers on him.

16 comments:

Brigindo said...

Wow. That is a new level of cold and cruel for me. I wouldn't have believed anyone would refuse a birthday card for their child, but there it is. I'm glad you have a way to get around your brother and stay in touch with your nieces.

Rebecca said...

I'm really sorry things worked out that way. Glad, though, that you are able to work around him to stay in contact with his girls. I think you did exactly the right thing. We have no control over the behavior of others, but it's no reason to let them have it all their own way if we don't have to. Good for you.

Caroline said...

What a tit. I hope you're ok, I can't imagine how infuriating that would be.

Addy N. said...

I'm so sorry Seeking Solace- that just sucks. It's really crappy when family members decide to sever ties and it impacts your relationships with other family members. I hope you are OK- I guess you have some "closure", but how do you know that he will feel the same for the rest of your lives? How shitty.

Inside the Philosophy Factory said...

Yikes... really, how mean.

Intellectually, you know that it's all projection about the really bad way he's acting -- and a desire to keep his new wife happy.... but, what a cad.

Sherlock said...

Glad you found a way around him to keep in touch with the nieces. Sorry it's turned out this way and it's some relief to know how it must be for now with the girls.

rented life said...

Maybe your brother is related to husband's aunt, who sent back a THANK YOU note. Sorry it happened, but at least you know for certain and you can still be in touch with the kids--that's what matters. (hugs)

Seeking Solace said...

Thanks everyone. :)

I think the hardest part is that with my mom getting older and having cancer, my brother is all the "family" I have.

It also grinds my gears that Husband and I don't even know what we did to be excommunicated, except for the fact that we acknowledge his son.

I am glad I can have some contact with my nieces. Their grandparents are wonderful people.

BrightStar (B*) said...

oh my goodness... that's just awful. I am so so sorry. :(

Psych Post Doc said...

That is just so cruel. No need. I'm glad you can still have some sort of contact w/ your nieces. I'm sorry your brother is such an ass.

JustMe said...

i'm so sorry, i can't believe your brother is acting like this. and i;m glad at least you have some way of contacting the kids. hugs....

RageyOne said...

wow. "refused!" i'm sorry that happened. that really has to hurt.

k8 said...

Ouch! Sorry to hear about the brother situation. I am glad that you are doing the right thing as far as the kids are concerned. As they get older, I imagine they will learn to see the situation for what it is and will be glad that you've maintained contact with them.

Arbitrista said...

Well crap. That was just harsh. Sorry you had to experience that, but at least you don't have to wonder. If that's any consolation. Which I doubt. Ugh.

comebacknikki said...

Wow that is totally harsh and SO uncalled for! I'm so sorry. :(

Boppa Divina said...

Since you mentioned in your previous post that your SIL is the type of person who'd intercept mail you sent to your brother, it's possible she did exactly that, and therefore you still don't know where you stand with him.

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