The Waiting Room

Long time readers of this blog may recall that I have not seen or talked to my brother since 2005. The Reader's Digest version is that because Husband and I acknowledge and have contact with his son that was the product of an extra-marital affair, we were ostracized. This also meant zero contact with my three nieces. My bother's wife is the architect of this banishment.

This past weekend, Husband and I traveled to Redneckville for my aunt's funeral. At the viewing, my brother was there with his wife and one of his daughters. When Husband pointed him out to me, I almost didn't recognize him. Granted, people change, especially after 10 years. But, this was different. My bother looked old, haggard and defeated, not the vibrant and handsome man that I knew. He had the classic Prednisone face that anyone with RA or other autoimmune disease knows all to well. I could see by his difficulty in walking that RA was taking a toll on him. He looked as if the last 10 years took almost every once of energy he possessed.

I took a deep breath and decided that I should say something to him, even if it is only a "Hello". I was a little nervous because I was worried that his wife would make a scene; something that she is know for doing.  I walked up to him, tapped him on the shoulder and said "Hello".  He said "Hello" back. I followed up with "It's been a long time". We exchanged an uncomfortable hug; one of those hugs that one gives when you just want to get it over with. Someone else approached my brother and started talking to him. I turned to his wife and said "Hello". She acknowledged my hello. At that point, Husband and my cousin motioned for me to come over to them. I was shaking. I don't know if it was out of shock of what I had seen or fear that his wife was going to flip her shit right there in the chapel. Husband later told me that once my back was turned, my bother's wife was giving me a look that could freeze hydrogen. 

That was it.  No other words were said.


 It's been a few days and I am still at a loss of what to think. A few relatives and friends who know what is going on, provided some comfort and support. But, I just can't seem to shake the shock. disbelief and overall awkwardness of the situation. Even as I write this, I struggle to find words to describe how I feel. All I could think of was this...

It's sad, so sad
It's a sad, sad situation