The Waiting Room

I learned yesterday that a very dear childhood friend died. She was only 42 years old.

She committed suicide.

For as long as I can remember, my freind battled many demons. Her mother was so cruel that she made Joan Crawford look like Carol Brady. I remember back in high school, we were at band practice which was held after school. The band director had kept us longer than the usual. My friend's mother refused to wait the extra five minutes and drove off. My poor friend started walking home, when her mom pulled up alongside her and scream at her. She would not let my friend in the car.

I remember being there to listen when we were teenagers and freshman in college. But, once life got in the way, we just fell out of touch. I think the last contact I had was before Husband and I got married and moved to LESC. I had heard bits and pieces from mutual friends, but did not have any contact.

And there lies the guilt.

What I didn't know was that she got pregnant out of wedlock, which upset her mother. My friend married the father of her child, but that didn't last because the ass-hat beat her up on a regular basis. No one blamed her for divorcing the bastard, except her mother. At one point, she was practically homeless and had to move back in with her parents with her child.  She battled severe depression. Despite medication and lots of therapy, nothing seemed to help.

You see, I understand why she decided to take her own life. I understand what it means to be in that place where you can't pick yourself up. I get it.

I just didn't think she would do it.

No, I don't think I could have stopped her. I think she was in a place where there is absolutely nothing that anyone could have said to make a difference. I just wish I could have been there. I wish I kept in touch so I could at least let her know that I cared. That maybe, she would have had one more person who was willing to listen.

See, I don't think people take depression seriously. I don't think people realize that there are those who are silently screaming for help. We "think" everything will be all right.

But, it isn't.

Most of the time, people just think someone will snap out of it. "Get over it", if you will. The truth is, depression is real. It can swallow someone up before anyone can throw out a life line.

I can only hope that wherever she is, may she find some comfort.