Thanks to everyone for their comments about my holiday travel issues. We have not officially decided if we are staying in Elsewhere or going to Redneckville. Husband says we don't "have to" go.
True. But, I just know how it's going to work out...
I am going to made the bad guy.
It's one of those "damned if you do and damned if you don't" situations. If we go, there all the crapola that is part of going. If we stay, we will not hear the end of "But, you guys miss everything" speech.
JaneB made a great point in her comment about single people being stuck with doing all the traveling because people figure they have no life. It's the same for those of us who don't have human kids. My FIL gets frustrated if we are not home when makes his weekly call. It's like we can't possibly have a life because we have no kids, so how can we not be at home?
Husband and I are always expected to make the sacrifice to travel. No one ever asks if it is a hardship for us. We offer for people to visit us, but no one does (OK, granted, when we lived in LESC, people did not want to visit because they were worried it would snow at any minute). There is always some excuse.
It really bugs me to where I am offended. And hurt.
About Me
- Seeking Solace
- I am a college professor who is fumbling through the chaos of academia, rheumatoid arthritis, working on my PhD and just being a 40 something woman. I used to be a lawyer, which made me a snarky little person. I have a wonderful Husband and a German Shepherd named Junior. They help keep me sane.
Paws to Consider
My Sister's Keeper
4 comments:
Sweetie, I totally get this -- as a person without human offspring. I've been in the hurt and offended place and moved beyond it to be more assertive in our holiday planning. This year we avoided turkey with the in-laws by doing a friends thing... and it was great.
I think people fall into patterns of expectation. We have three kids (three! irritating! kids!) and we're still the one's expected to travel for holidays to where my MIL lives because her house is bigger than ours. Even after I explained what a hardship it is, we still got comments. These days we refuse to fly--it's too horrible--and we live far enough away that it means driving, which is a good enough excuse not to make the trip every holiday.
Anyway, I feel like I just had to embrace being the bad guy from time to time for the sake of my sanity. After a while, people got used to it, I think.
Thanks to both of you!
I have accepted that I (I should say "We" because Husband feels it too) am the bad guy in all of this. We are the only ones who live far away. One of Husband's brothers lives in the same town as their parents and the other brother lives an hour away. My family is also in the same town as Husband's, so we are the only ones who have to travel.
It just sucks that there isn't an effort by others to visit us, particularly since we now live in a warmer climate and have a large enough house to accommodate visitors.
Husband and I have set boundaries and let people know that we actually have lives. But, no matter how tough we get, there is just this little part that hurts a little.
Totally missed this post somehow.
My cousin's wife recently e-mailed me with similar complaints with her family. So you're in good company. What annoys me the is the LESC thing--it is NOT THAT BAD here. But people immediately think "OMG you live THERE? There must be like 10 feet of snow at all times!!!" I can think of 2 Christmases in 10 years where it was too bad to drive. And we drove anyway. Knowing where your family lives, they need to get over themselves. The weather is not as bad up north as the people who don't live here think. /rant.
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