I haven't blogged for a week and it's not for a lack of having anything to say. It's that I am drowning in a sea of chaos. Yesterday, I was feeling a little depressed about it all. Between the craziness at work, the never ending house search and my inability to maintain any sort of fitness routine, or any routine for that matter, I am just worn out. I spent most of the day sleeping and crying to Husband about it all.
I think it's mainly a product of how much has happened in the past year. This time last year, Husband and I kicked our relocation into high gear. We were moving at a frantic pace trying to get the house ready to sell. Then it was selling the house and packing everything for the move. Then, it was moving to a new place and finding a job. Then, it was finding a job, only to have all the craziness that followed. Then it was starting the search for a new house. Then, it was all the craziness of semester at my job. All of this has made me exhausted, stressed and feeling a bit depressed.
So much of what is going on in my life is out of my control. And I think that is part of the problem. I am trying so hard to control everything that goes on around me. I see things in a certain way and if it's not that way, I go nuts. I hate it when things are not structured. When I have structure, I am at my best. For example, when Husband and I had our workout routine, I was losing weight, eating well and feeling great. Lately, it has been a challenge for me to get my exercise and eating on track.
None of this is for a lack of trying. I have tried to find the right path out of the chaos. But, it seems like for every step I take, it's two steps backward. For every door that is closed, any window is also closed.
Husband suggests that I just let go. Let go of the control and allow things to just ride. He sees the glass as being half full. He believes that we have accomplished so much in such a short period of time. He thinks that maybe I set my expectations to high in that it's going to take time for things to balance out. I should just focus on what I can do, rather than all the things that I think I should.
He's right.
Maybe instead of searching for the light, I should allow the light to come to me.
About Me
- Seeking Solace
- I am a college professor who is fumbling through the chaos of academia, rheumatoid arthritis, working on my PhD and just being a 40 something woman. I used to be a lawyer, which made me a snarky little person. I have a wonderful Husband and a German Shepherd named Junior. They help keep me sane.
Paws to Consider
My Sister's Keeper
3 comments:
HUG HUG HUG. This too shall pass, a routine will be established, a house will be found and peace will come. Hubs is right! In the meantime, take care of yourself and spoil yourself a bit. Leap into a Lush bath!! :-)
Your Hubby knows you well - and, he's given you good advice and support in the past. Listen to him :)!.
Sometimes you have to focus on only what you must do, not all the things you think would be nice to accomplish. It seems to me that you feel better when you exercise and eat right -- so that is a "must" do -- if only because you'll accomplish more if you feel better. The other "must" do stuff is probably work related, no? That's hard to sort out sometimes.. but, do your best.
Many hugs - I have been feeling the same way lately. I'm hoping it will wash away with the Spring sunshine!
Post a Comment