I made the bed today.
That may sound strange to some, but for me it is a huge accomplishment. Today is the first day that I feel like I can accomplish something without too much pain and fatigue.
My house is a mess. Seriously, someone needs to call "Clean House" on my behalf. Laundry has piled up. I am sooo behind on work related stuff. I tried to clean my kitchen, which normally takes about 20 minutes normally. It took me an hour, with several breaks to rest.
I ended up in tears.
Now before anyone asks where was Husband, don't worry. He was working on other household chores. He begged me not to do anything, but my stubbornness would not let me listen. I had to clean the kitchen. Forget that I could barely walk or do anything. I just had to do it. I needed to feel like I accomplished something.
See, the problem with this illness is that I often feel useless. When I have a flare, I can't do the normal things that everyone else does. It hurts to brush my teeth, comb my hair or load the dishwasher. I hate not contributing or doing my share. I hate feeling like an invalid. I hate not pulling my own weight. I hate sitting around. I mean, even holding a book can be painful.
So I push to hard. And I make things worse both physically and emotionally. It's all part of the cycle of chonic illness. I have to learn balance.
I woke up today feeling better. I think the steriods are kicking in. I was able to make the bed, something that I have not done in over a week.
It felt good to accomplish something.
About Me
- Seeking Solace
- I am a college professor who is fumbling through the chaos of academia, rheumatoid arthritis, working on my PhD and just being a 40 something woman. I used to be a lawyer, which made me a snarky little person. I have a wonderful Husband and a German Shepherd named Junior. They help keep me sane.
Paws to Consider
My Sister's Keeper
11 comments:
I'm sure you did feel better getting something done. You're not exactly a sit on your ass type of person. ;) Are you watching LEC football or your hometown boys or both? I'm not getting either game so..... I have to be content with the ticker. Hope you keep feeling better.
I hear you. Sometimes opening a can feels like victory!
I'm sorry you are having a slow recovery from this flare-up. I can understand wanting to do things yourself- it must be frustrating to feel like you are not being useful. Hang in there- we are thinking about you!
Woohoo bed making! I can appreciate the achievement because if I experience a depression flare, it can be one of the first things to go.
Thanks everyone! Something about going to bed in a freshly made bed makes one feel better.
Prisca: Local team lost today. Hometown team is on tomorrow night. And of course, I have to teach at 8 AM on Tuesday, so that means an early bedtime, usually around the middle of the 3rd quarter!
Please take it easy and take care of yourself. I know it's hard to give yourself a break, because you're such a go-getter. I'm so glad that your spouse is there for you.
we never make the bed, if that makes you feel better, unless people are coming over! Instead for me it's a clean kitchen that makes me feel better and a dirty one makes me feel stressed.
hang in there.
cheers for small victories! so glad you are feeling a lil better. do take it easy and don't push yourself too hard.
((SS)) I hope your right that the steroids are starting to work and these bad days are behind you.
I'm so sorry you're feeling so poorly! :(
i know exactly how you feel. i never make the bed either if that helps.
also, i will gladly call clean house for you if you want, i LOVE that show. and now they are going everywhere, not just LA area!!
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