The Waiting Room

to make me crawl out form under the rock.

As seen everywhere...

1. My uncle became a father again at 53. He had a stroke when he found out! Now, I have a cousin who is 30 years younger than me. She looks like she could be my daughter!

2. Never in my life have I done any drugs. Not even inhaled.

3. When I was five, I had major eye surgery. My dad carried my into the operating room.

4. High school was good and bad. I have great memories with my home girl, Piglet. Bad, becuase I still remember being teased by mean girls.

5. I will never forget the day I married Husband. Also the day I passed the Bar. Two of the happiest days of my life.

6. Once I met Alex Tribek at a Jeopardy contestant search. He tried to keep my pen after getting his autograph.

7. There’s this boy I know liked to eat birthday cake candles. No cake, just the candles.

8. Once, at a bar, I cringed as Husband and his best friend spent most of the time tying to figure out a physics problem.

9. By noon, I’m usually ready for a nap.

10. Last night, I searched for something good on TV. How much longer before the new season starts?

11. If only I took the good advice that I am able to give other people, I would not be such an emotional weck sometimes.

12. Next time I go to church, it would make my mom happy.

13. What worries me most is my RA becomes worse and I can't do the things I can do now.

14. When I turn my head left I see the Boy napping on the floor.

15. When I turn my head right I see: a dirty carpet. I need to get it cleaned!

16. You know I’m lying when...I don't know. I am a pretty good liar. (I used to be a lawyer.)

17. What I miss most about the Eighties are the movies like Breakfast Club, Better Off Dead and Pretty in Pink.

18. If I were a character in Shakespeare I’d be the child of Othello and Desdemona.

19. By this time next year: I hope to be somewhere other than here with a great job.

20. A better name for me would be Anastasia. Really. That's what my mom wanted to name me. I think it's much cooler than my real name.

21. I have a hard time understanding adults who wear Crocs. Seriously people, stop it. You will never convince me that they are comfortable or fashionable!

22. If I ever go back to school, I'll need to have someone else pay for it.

23. You know I like you if I give you goodies from my vegetable garden.

24. If I ever won an award, the first person I would thank would be Husband for putting up with my insanity.

25. Take my advice, never get into a pissing contest with an asshole.

26. My ideal breakfast is Belgium waffles with strawberries. Real strawberries, not that other crap. And real whipped cream!

27. A song I love but do not have is never gonna happen. I have a pretty extensive collection.

28. If you visit my hometown, you would encounter a lot of cows, trees, deer and rednecks.

29. Why won’t people stop blaming the world for their own stupidity and/or laziness?

30. If you spend a night at my house, you will get a wake up call from the Boy.

31. I’d stop my wedding for the chance to elope. (That is, if I had to do it again!)

32. The world could do without people who are not tolerant of other's views.

33. I’d rather lick the belly of a cockroach than move back home with my parents!

34. My favorite blondie is my mom.

35. Paper clips are more useful than some of the people I work with.

36. If I do anything well it’s arguing. I can be pretty persuasive.

37. I can’t help but use a Simpson's episode to make a point.

38. I usually cry when no one is watching me.

39. My advice to my nephew/niece is don't be in a hurry to grow up. And no, you were not adopted, our family is that crazy.

40. And by the way, thanks for the well wishes during my hiatus.