My friend (I will now call her N) told me about a conversation that she had with another friend of hers (This friend is not a person I know).
N's friend is Christan and very pro-life. N had been talking to this person about pregnancy becuase she had a baby recently. This person knows about N's circumstance and reasons for terminating. The person tried to give all the usual reasons for having the baby. She tried to tell N about how far along the fetus is etc... N just told her freind that while she appreciated what her friend is trying to do, and appreiciates her position on this issue, she has made her decision.
That's when her friend said this:
Well, if you decide to go through with this, we can no longer be freinds. In fact, don't even speak to me.
Wow...
OK, I get someone being very strong in their convictions. I also understand someone being very strong in thier faith. But what I don't get is that if someone does something contray to that belief or conviction, the response is to write that person off?
What is the saying? "Hate the sin, but love the sinner?"
I think of my best friend Piget. Piglet is Christen, conservative and a Republican. And we have been best friends for almost 30 years. Sure, we don't agree on every issue. We have had some in depth discussions about faith, politics and the like. And while we don't always agree, we respect each other's point of view. Often we end it with "Let's agree to disagee." or "You made some valid points, but I am standing by my position." Neither of us wants to write the other off because we don't believe the same way. More improtantly, I know for sure that if I were in trouble. she would be the first person there to help, even if it were contray to her views. It is our deep love and affection that drives our friendship, not views on issues.
I am sad that this person can just throw away a friendship with N when she needs it the most. OK, so this person doesn't agree with N's choice. Accept her for who she is. And if you can't, then I wonder if this person needs to rethink what it means to be a follower of Jesus.
It's times like these when you learn who your friends really are.
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10 comments:
That's most unfortunate. I think it is all too easy for Christians to assume that everyone else must follow a Christian moral obligation. When someone positions himself or herself as a standard of morality, it seems that it becomes impossible to extend compassion. Being pro-life is more than convincing someone that a baby is a person.
hmmmm. I'll chime in since I'm strongly pro-life and a christian. I am not entirely sure I'd go the route of explaining embryonic development. I don't think that's productive because the pregnant woman isn't ignorant of biology. She's in an extremely difficult position or she wouldn't consider it. So for a start, I think I'd take the route of trying to make other options seem more plausible or suggest resources. Which is to say, we're at odds from the get go because I don't think the science lesson is useful. It's patronizing.
In any case, as soon as she told me thanks for your concern but I've made up my mind, I would drop it.
At that point, I can see where it might make me upset and uncomfortable enough that I might withdraw from the friendship a little bit. But, you know, that's about me, not her. So I absolutely cannot see laying that at her feet. If you don't behave, I won't be your friend.
I have, in fact, had lots of friends who have done things I don't agree with in the least. My job as a friend (and as a Christian I might add) is to give advice when asked, to do what I can to help them think things through, and to be there to pick up the pieces when they run into something truly painful.
Wow! Not even an "I'll pray for you" thrown in. The "friend" is not treating N well at all. I can't help but think of how my very religious grandma would have reacted to N's friend. She (and my mother, too, for that matter) would have used the phrase "That's not how we treat other people," a phrase that seemed to cover everything from pinching your younger brother to genocide and was very much grounded in her religious beliefs.
So, to N's supposed "friend" I say, "that's not how we treat other people."
Clearly, NOT a friend.
That's shocking.
I agree with Anastasia that if someone's choice/decision was something that I felt so strongly about that I was not sure I wanted to be friends anymore, I would probably gradually let the friendship subside rather than announcing an ultimatum. I had someone once tell me they didn't want to be my friend anymore, and it was literally days after that horrible car accident we had a few years ago in which T was injured. The lack of concern/care that this was being told to me at such a time in my life was just shocking.
It's just sad that your friend has to deal with "friends" who are not only not supportive but who cannot separate their moral and/or political agenda/beliefs from her problem and make her situation even worse by being so judgmental.
that is so not a true friend. i would have to question my relationship with that person, if i were put in that position.
i am truly sorry for your friend.
tell N that my in laws get mad when I don't VOTE for a Christian and I have to suffer the consequences. I'm sorry she had to learn how stupid her friend is, in this way.
If Jesus were around he'd be hanging out with people like N, not like her misguided friend. yet people forget this.
i came back to add that while I may feel uncomfortable and back off, I'm not saying I'd definitely end a friendship over this particular issue. just saying...there are ways of doing things that aren't quite so shitty, especially when someone is already obviously having a hard time.
back off for a while, I meant. gar.
Anastasia: I knew that's what you meant. Even though we have never "met" I know you woold never do that! But thanks for clarifying anyway. :)
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