Yesterday, I did a little shopping. I had $25.00 on my Body Shop Store card. So naturally, I had to partake. I stocked up on the essentials, shower gel, body butter and face cleanser. They have a new scent, almond, which is quite nice.
I also had a card for a free pair of panties from Victoria's Secret. I figured why pass up a freebie? Besides, I really need to be measured for a bra. Since I began weight training, I have shaped up the chest area. So, I figured this was a great chance to kill two birds with one stone, right?
Wrong. I walked into the store, which is in a temporary location while the store is remodeled. There was no one else in the store; it's noon on a Friday. There are two clerks there. They clearly see me, but just ignored my presence. I engage in the usual "May I help you" tactics, like rifling through drawers, clearing my throat etc, nothing. I walked out of the store. Normally, I would have said something smart, but I didn't. I don't know why.
The rationale side of me says that it had nothing to do with me; these girls were just self absorbed bitches. But then there is this part of me who wonders if they ignored me because they felt I am not worthy to shop there. I am not a size 2, more like a 12-14. Does that make me less worthy?
Later last night, I was watching "What Not to Wear" on TLC. There was a woman who was frustrated because she had not lost the weight she gained after giving birth to her daughter four years ago. She was very hard on herself because she did not look the way she did before she was pregnant. She could not accept herself for the way she was now and embrace the progress she has already made. She was so resistant to the suggestions which really did make her look fabulous.
Why do we women do this? Why do we judge ourselves and each other if we don't fit some ideal that God only know created? Why are we so harsh on ourselves that we go to great lengths to meet some arbitrary idea of what looks good. Don't get me wrong, I am my own worst critic. I have an ongoing battle with self image that dates back to my teen years. Even when I was super skinny, I had this distored view of myself. I really had to do some serious self talk with myself when I got home, so that I would not fall prey to the compulsion to beat myself up.
Did it work? I am not sure.
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- Seeking Solace
- I am a college professor who is fumbling through the chaos of academia, rheumatoid arthritis, working on my PhD and just being a 40 something woman. I used to be a lawyer, which made me a snarky little person. I have a wonderful Husband and a German Shepherd named Junior. They help keep me sane.
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8 comments:
Yeah, I can so relate. I have nothing intelligent to add...just that it sure does suck that so many of us have to do so much self-talk just to keep our (gorgeous, no matter what!) heads up. :)
SS: That sucks that those silly store-clerks made you feel crappy. How do they get off pretending to be superior, anyway? What's so great about a minimum wage job in a retail store? There was an episode of BBC's Absolutely Fabulous where Edina said (to a girl in a store) "You can drop the attitude... you only work in a shop, you know". I love that! Try not to let it get you down- A lot of us struggle with the same issues. Take care!
It's hard not to come home from a mall feeling that way.
But VS clerks don't usually know much about bras or measuring anyway (ironic, yes). What you need is the old lady in the lingerie dept at a big department store (Macy's or Lord and Taylor or Hecht's or whatever your regional equivalent would be). The bras might not be what you want, but those clerks usually know what they're doing. (or read Bitch's posts on the whole mysterious art of bra measuring.)
We still have a long way to go when it comes to accepting our bodies as they are and valuing what they've lived through and how that shows up on our bodies. Bobbi Brown, the cosmetic maker, recently made the heretical comment that she thought plastic surgery was a waste because it got rid of crows' feet and laugh lines and other marks of a life lived.
Your experience at VS made me chuckle because it reminded me of a recent visit to a very IN restaurant in Boston, owned by a very IN chef (Todd English)who my husband admires.
We entered the half empty restaurant and approached the hostess, who, along with the waitstaff(all trendily skinny and dressed in black ) looked right past us and continued with a discussion they'd been having. Then the hostess vapidly stared off in another direction (not outs)and yawned. I burst out laughing at the absurdity of the moment, which got their attention, and, got us a seat. If this restaurant hadn't been so important to my husband, I would have laughed myself and my money right out the door.
Thanks everyone for the words of encouragement.
Mel: I kept telling myself to go to Macy's, but I figured since I had a freebie.... Maybe I should listen to myself more often.
I ended up watching the WTNW episode this afternoon. I thought she looked ADORABLE in the new clothes, but she never looked completely happy with the changes. Maybe at the very end? She reminded me of my mom, who resists having her own identity independent of her children.
You're not the first person I've heard say she's gotten poor treatment at VS. I met a new mom who was told "We don't carry your size" as soon as she crossed the threshhold. How insensitive, and how stupid. I mean, even if they didn't carry her bigger post-pregnancy size, what if she was there to buy a gift?!
For bra fittings, I've heard nobody beats Nordstrom.
I've stopped shopping in two lingerie shops (one being VS) because 1) they insisted on trying to sell me one of this water bras despite being a D cup already and 2) telling me 'we don't care your size (a D).
I've been horrible about beating myself up everytime I put something in my mouth (not that it stops me) since I can't seem to lose weight of late. But you're right, its strange that we've been taught that despite any other accomplishments it all comes back to controling our apperances that define us.
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