The Waiting Room

Truth be told, I don't like the holidays.

I dread the inevitable family drama that comes with the holidays. Whether I stay home or go to visit family in Hometown, there is always drama. If I could, I would go MIA until January.

This year, we are traveling to Hometown for the first time in three years. The anxiety over this started back in November, but it came to high note yesterday.

A little background...

My brother has four daughters and a son. His oldest daughter is his first wife's daughter from a previous relationship. My brother is the only father Daughter #1 has known. Wife #1 passed away. My brother married Wife #2 and had Daughter #4. My bother had an affair which resulted in his only son.

Now, Daughter #1, was raised by her grandparents after Wife #1 died. She has developed into a lovely young woman who is now in college. Daughters 2, 3 and 4 live with my brother and Wife #2 in Hometown. Son lives with Baby's Mama, one town over from Hometown.

OK, got all the players now?

Well, my brother does not acknowledge his son. While he plays child support, he has no relationship with him. He does see Baby's Mama for an occasional booty call. Wife #2 does not want anything to do with Son either. Brother and Wife #2 do not allow my mother or me any contact with Daughters 2, 3, and 4. I did get to spend time with Daughters 2 and 3 over the summer when I visited Daughter #1 on my way to Transplant City. I have not seen Daughter #4 since she was two. Brother "allows" daughters 2 and 3 to visit with Daughter #1 on occasion.

My mom has a relationship with Son and Baby's Mama. She babysits and spend time with him on a regular basis. Son is 6 years old and can't understand why his daddy doesn't like him. He has no idea that he has sisters.

My brother and his wife do not speak to our mother or to me and Husband. Brother and Wife #2 have returned cards that we have sent to our nieces. We were never told the real reason why they refuse to speak to us, but we gather it is becuase Husband and I accept Son as our nephew.

So, as you can imagine, this quite a mess. Yesterday, it got worse.

I was having a conversation with my mom. She told me that she purchase savings bonds for Daughters 2 and 3 for Christmas. She also said that she sent Daughter #1 some cash for college.

I asked my mom if she forgot to pick up a bond for Daughter #4.

"I refuse to buy anything for that child." was my mom's response.

It's no secret that my mom HATES Wife #2. My mom thinks that she is the reason why my brother does not acknowledge his son. She even suggested the daughter #4 may not be my brother's child.

I am going to tell why this is so fucked up...even though I know you already know. First, by not acknowledging daughter #4, my mom is no better than my brother and Wife #2 in their treatment of Son. It's the same exact thing. Second, my mom should know how completely heartless that is becuase her sister pulled the exact same crap when my parents got married. My mother's sister refused to acknowledge my parent's marriage or me and brother because my mom married a Black man. I have cousins who have no idea that I or my bother exist.

But the worst part of it is that there are children who are being used a pawns. The adults would rather punish each other and justify their hatred for each other by using the children. In time, if things don't change, another generation will wonder what they did to make so many people hate them.

Anyway, when I heard what my mom said, I wanted to scream at her. I wanted to tell her how absolutely shitty this is. How I have zero respect for her. I really wanted to. But, no matter what I say, she feels she is right. No matter how much disappointment I feel toward her, her anger and hatred is more important. I can't make her see how wrong she is. I can't make my brother and Wife #2 see how wrong they are. No one is willing to see that these children are suffering.

And that's why I hate the holidays.

I do my best to do what I can for all of my nieces and nephew. Husband and I walk a fine line so that the children do not get into trouble because of their contact with us. I can only hope that I can have a full relationship with them when they become adults.

But, I fear the damage has already been done.