The Waiting Room

I hurt today.

I have Rheumatoid Arthritis. Rheumatoid Arthritis is an autoimmune disease that causes chronic inflammation of the joints. It can also cause inflammation of the tissue around the joints, as well as other organs in the body. Autoimmune diseases are illnesses which occur when the body tissues are mistakenly attacked by its own immune system. So, I have pain in my hands, fingers, elbows, hips, knees, ankles and toes. My fingers are slightly swollen and I am very fatigued. There is no cure, but the hope is that through treatment, i.e. medication, there will be little destruction to my joints.

I have battled this disease for almost seven years. For the first three years, the doctors did not know what was wrong with me. Blood test used to help diagnose this disease would end up negative. After many tests and a trip to the Cleveland Clinic, I was diagnosed in 2001. Since then, it has been a constant battle to stay healthy.

RA is an insidious disease. Three are times when I am in remission and I feel like I can do anything. Then there are times, like today, where I feel 90 years old. To look at me, one would think I am a healthy person. But when the disease flares, it’s like I am someone else. Physically, I have difficulty walking, holding things, and doing everyday tasks like brushing my hair. I feel exhausted and brain dead, like I am walking around in a fog. It has taken a toll on me psychologically. The constant back and forth with remission and flare is frustrating. Also, I have been forced to give up many things that I once loved, because the nature of this disease will not allow me to continue doing them. Managing a chromic disease like this has lead to serious bouts of depression.

So, I will rest now and hope that this flare will pass.